When I met Erika and Daniels dad I was 15 and he was 32. I don't know why I wanted to be with such an old guy. Maybe I was just looking for love, I just don't know. I cant imagine me letting one of my children be with someone that age. If someone that much older even looked at my children wrong I would hurt them.
Joe and I met when he was a maintenance man at the apartments my mom managed. At first he worked steady. He was nice to me. He spent time with me and bought me clothes. After a while he hardly ever worked. We moved to Arizona with my mom, things got even worse financially. There were times that we had to go to churches to get food. For about a month we lived off of ramon noodles.
Then I found out that I was pregnant with Erika. I was very scared, I didn't know how we would be able to provide her with all she needed. Then Joe found a job at a apartment complex. He was getting a free apartment and a salary. Things started getting better financially. I was very unhappy with Joe, I felt that he was mean to me. We fought alot. I remember going into the baby room that I had made for Erika and sitting on the floor and crying. I hoped that when she was born things would get better. Erika was born and we were an okay little family. Not necessarily happy, but okay. Then Joe lost that job. I cant even count how many jobs he went through.
We moved back to Texas, we lived with different people. Sometimes my mom and one of her boyfriends, sometimes Joe's mom, sometimes Joe's sister. Sometimes friends. It was pretty bad. Never knowing where we would be or if we would have food to eat.
Next thing I know I am pregnant with Daniel. For some reason we moved back to Arizona. Life was still very hard. We lived in a 1 bedroom motel with my mom, her boyfriend Jim, Joe, Erika, and me. I found out that the reason we were so broke was because Joe was doing drugs. How was I so dumb that I had never figured it out before? I wanted Daniel so very much but it was already so hard to provide for Erika. I considered giving Daniel up for adoption, there I was 18 years old, about to have my second child and unable to financially care even for myself. I was to selfish to give Daniel up. I just loved him so much I couldn't imagine letting someone else have him. After I had him it was even harder. We could barely feed any of us. Thank the Lord for churches handing out food. I was so ashamed that I couldn't even take care of my babies. I was so glad that I had them, I loved them so much. But they were not getting everything they should have been given.
So we moved back to Texas. Again we had to move around alot, staying with different people. Then Joe found another apartment complex job and we were able to have our own place. I was so unhappy with Joe but I didn't know what to do. I felt that I was stuck in that life and would never be able to escape.
I found out that the company that Joe was working for was hiring an assistant for the apartment manager at another complex. It didn't pay anything, but it gave a free apartment for working 3 days a week. Yea! I got the job. I could make sure that my babies and I had a roof over our heads! Finally there was something that I had control over. I worked hard and learned alot so when the manager I was working for quit I got her job. It had a salary plus a free apartment. I could finally take care of us. From now on my babies would have food and diapers and toys and I could do it on my own. It took a while but I got up the nerve to make Joe leave. He threatened me that he would take my babies but I fought him all the way. I was 19, Erika was 3, and Daniel was 18 months and finally we were going to be okay. Never again did we go to churches for food. Never again did I have to pawn all that I had. We were going to be okay!