Yesterday during Bible Study they were discussing friends. Really my only close friends are John, Tronda, and Erika. That seems pretty sad. My only true friends are my husband, sister, and daughter. Ive never been one that has had friends. There are many people that I care about, my church family, people at work. But people that really care about me, that really know me are just John, Erika, and Tronda. I am not real sure why I have never been a person that formed attachments. Maybe it was my abusive childhood, maybe fear of rejection, maybe because we moved around so much I just was scared to get close and then lose someone I cared about.
I know that I would love to have friends, people to get together with, to confide in. But I am not real sure how to go about making friends or being a friend.
I am so glad that my children have friends, I don't want them to feel like I do. Sometimes I feel so lonely, and I don't want to burden Erika with all my thoughts and worries. I am supposed to be the mom, I am supposed to be there for her problems, not she for mine.
It has just been the last few years I have realized how much I am missing out on by not having friends. I see other woman that are close friends, that get together and have fun together, and at times I feel so left out. I know that it isnt anyones fault but my own. I dont make time for friends. But sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I wish there was someone I could call and chat with. Not that Erika, John, and Tronda arent wonderful friends, but I dont want to burden them with all of my thoughts. There are just some things you cant talk to your child and husband about without feeling awkward. I am so very thankful for my best friends, I just wish I had a few more.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sweet Emily
Emily went to the Doctor today. She weighs 11lbs 10 oz and is 22 inches long. She is growing so fast. Sometimes when I look at her it is like looking at Erika when she was a baby. It is so awesome that God gives us the capability to love so much. I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved my own children, but I do. When I hold her I feel such love that it makes tears come to my eyes, just as it did with my own babies.
I have some good news, Daniel called me the other day and was talking about his future. This is good news because in the last year every time I ask him about his future he has said that he doesn't worry or think about it. So at least now it is something he is thinking about. I have been praying that he will seek God again.
Erika and Caleb are doing great. They are wonderful parents. I always knew Erika would be a good mommy. And Caleb is a great daddy. He lights up every time he looks at his baby girl. We all still fight over who gets to hold her next. ;-)
Cassie is still doing great. She is an awesome God loving young lady. I am super proud of her.
And as always, my husband is wonderful. He still tells me how beautiful I am every day. I'm always scared I will wake up and he will change, but still after almost 8 years he is still the best husband ever. I am not saying there are never hard days, but never do we question our love for each other.
Today I received wonderful news. My younger sister will get to hold her baby for the first time. I am so very excited for her. Thanks to all that have been praying for them.
I have some good news, Daniel called me the other day and was talking about his future. This is good news because in the last year every time I ask him about his future he has said that he doesn't worry or think about it. So at least now it is something he is thinking about. I have been praying that he will seek God again.
Erika and Caleb are doing great. They are wonderful parents. I always knew Erika would be a good mommy. And Caleb is a great daddy. He lights up every time he looks at his baby girl. We all still fight over who gets to hold her next. ;-)
Cassie is still doing great. She is an awesome God loving young lady. I am super proud of her.
And as always, my husband is wonderful. He still tells me how beautiful I am every day. I'm always scared I will wake up and he will change, but still after almost 8 years he is still the best husband ever. I am not saying there are never hard days, but never do we question our love for each other.
Today I received wonderful news. My younger sister will get to hold her baby for the first time. I am so very excited for her. Thanks to all that have been praying for them.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
11-19-09
Today has been a sad day. It is the anniversary of my dads death. Every year on this day I am so close to tears that if someone says boo to me I break down.
A few days ago my younger sister had a beautiful baby boy. I was just looking at a picture of him and it made me cry. I have been praying nonstop that this sweet baby will be okay. I have also been praying for his mommy and daddy. I wish that they didn't have to go through all of this again. I wish there was something that I could do for them, anything to ease their stress and fear.
I wish that I could go back in time and change my and my younger sisters relationship. I wish that I wouldn't have let my jealousy put such a large wedge in between us. I was so jealous of how much my dad loved her. I allowed myself to believe it was her fault that my dad didn't love me (or so I thought).
Miranda, if you ever read this please except my apology for never being there for you. Please forgive me for anytime that I acted ugly or withdrawn. Please believe that I have grown up alot since then and would really love to be a part of your life, and know that you can count on me to be there if you ever want me to be. Know that I love you. I know that you didnt know me very well, but I really love you.
And Dad, if you are able to look down upon us, I miss you. I love you. Please watch over us all. Watch over baby Brayden. I think of you so often. I hope you are proud of the woman I have become.
A few days ago my younger sister had a beautiful baby boy. I was just looking at a picture of him and it made me cry. I have been praying nonstop that this sweet baby will be okay. I have also been praying for his mommy and daddy. I wish that they didn't have to go through all of this again. I wish there was something that I could do for them, anything to ease their stress and fear.
I wish that I could go back in time and change my and my younger sisters relationship. I wish that I wouldn't have let my jealousy put such a large wedge in between us. I was so jealous of how much my dad loved her. I allowed myself to believe it was her fault that my dad didn't love me (or so I thought).
Miranda, if you ever read this please except my apology for never being there for you. Please forgive me for anytime that I acted ugly or withdrawn. Please believe that I have grown up alot since then and would really love to be a part of your life, and know that you can count on me to be there if you ever want me to be. Know that I love you. I know that you didnt know me very well, but I really love you.
And Dad, if you are able to look down upon us, I miss you. I love you. Please watch over us all. Watch over baby Brayden. I think of you so often. I hope you are proud of the woman I have become.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Baby Emily
My beautiful grandaughter is finally here. I never imagined how much I would love her. I am so proud of Erika. Erika allowed me to be in the delivery room with her and Caleb while she had Emily. She was so strong. I was so worried about her, but she did a great job. It was amazing seeing my grandaughter being born.
It is also amazing how many people love Erika and Caleb. They had alot of people there at the hospital cheering them on, but they also had many people at home and at church praying for them.
I dont know how we ever managed before we had a church family. We started attending Alvarado FBC about 4 or 5 years ago, before that we didnt attend a church. I never imagined how much love and support you get from a church family. Baby Emily already has so many people that love her and will watch over her. How awesome is that! I wish I had had a church family much earlier in life. I know it would have made trials alot easier to get through with so much support. So, my church family, if any of you read this, thank you so much for loving us!!
And Erika, if you read this, always remember how proud I am of you. I love you so much. You are going to be a great mommy. Thank you so much for letting me be with you during the wonderful experience of Emilys birth. You are a beautiful woman, and I am so proud to be your mommy and Emilys Gramma. I love you sweet girl.
Praise God for blessing me with my wonderful family!!
It is also amazing how many people love Erika and Caleb. They had alot of people there at the hospital cheering them on, but they also had many people at home and at church praying for them.
I dont know how we ever managed before we had a church family. We started attending Alvarado FBC about 4 or 5 years ago, before that we didnt attend a church. I never imagined how much love and support you get from a church family. Baby Emily already has so many people that love her and will watch over her. How awesome is that! I wish I had had a church family much earlier in life. I know it would have made trials alot easier to get through with so much support. So, my church family, if any of you read this, thank you so much for loving us!!
And Erika, if you read this, always remember how proud I am of you. I love you so much. You are going to be a great mommy. Thank you so much for letting me be with you during the wonderful experience of Emilys birth. You are a beautiful woman, and I am so proud to be your mommy and Emilys Gramma. I love you sweet girl.
Praise God for blessing me with my wonderful family!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Im back again
I just found out that my son is in jail. How am I supposed to be okay with that? We have had alot of things come up missing from our home and I was afraid it was him taking it, but there was always this small thread of hope that it wasn't him. I guess that the police caught him stealing and now he is in jail, so all hope is gone. You cant even imagine how devastating it is to know that your child is in jail. I know that he has to face consequences for his actions but I am still so scared for him. Please pray for him. Please pray for all of us.
Dear Lord please watch over my son. Please make this time in jail make him realize that he needs to turn his life around. Help him to know that it is never to late to seek You, and that You will forgive all. He can be washed clean and start fresh. Please give me the right words to say to him when I get to speak to him.Keep him safe Dear Lord.
Dear Lord please watch over my son. Please make this time in jail make him realize that he needs to turn his life around. Help him to know that it is never to late to seek You, and that You will forgive all. He can be washed clean and start fresh. Please give me the right words to say to him when I get to speak to him.Keep him safe Dear Lord.
Hello again
I haven't done this for a while. Alot is happening in life right now. I am going to be a grandma!! Baby Emily is due on Sept 28. It seems to be taking forever. I cant wait to hold her. I know she will be a beauty, just look at her mommy (and grandma j/k) My sweet Erika will be such a great mommy. She and Caleb have grown up to be wonderful adults, I cant even begin to explain how very proud I am of them. I am going to spoil baby Emily rotten. I CANT WAIT!!!
Cassie is doing very well. She is a great kid. She is a wonderful student and a very good person. My kids are pretty darn awesome.
Daniel and I still aren't seeing eye to eye. We have different opinions of right and wrong, but he is still my son and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I love him very much.
John and I are great. I think maybe God gave me the best man in the whole world. He is the sweetest guy ever.
So all is good. God has blessed me more than I could ever deserve. Even when things are tough I know that He will never give me more than I can handle.
Cassie is doing very well. She is a great kid. She is a wonderful student and a very good person. My kids are pretty darn awesome.
Daniel and I still aren't seeing eye to eye. We have different opinions of right and wrong, but he is still my son and I wouldn't trade him for the world. I love him very much.
John and I are great. I think maybe God gave me the best man in the whole world. He is the sweetest guy ever.
So all is good. God has blessed me more than I could ever deserve. Even when things are tough I know that He will never give me more than I can handle.
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