Yay, I am okay!

I went to the Doctor today. He thinks I am okay!!! He is ordering some blood testing to be done, but he thinks I am okay!!
I was scared, so very scared. My girls and my husband and sister were scared.
But this did get me to thinking (way to much)
I wonder?
Do my kids know how much I love them?
Do they know that every single day is a little brighter because I have them?
Does my husband know how happy he has made me over the last 10 years?
Does he know that he makes me feel beautiful and loved?
Does he know how proud I am of the changes he has made in his life and the man he has become?
Does my boss know how much I appreciate his faith in me, how much I appreciate the opportunities he has given me to learn?
Does my sister know how important she is to me?
Does she know how much I always look forward to talking to her and sharing with her?
Does Caleb know that I am so thankful that he is a part of my life?
Does he know that I am very proud of the husband, father, and man of God that he is?
Does Erika know what a great daughter she has always been?
Does she know that when she was a little girl she was what made me get up each morning to face the day?
Does she know how beautiful she is? Does she know how very much I love her?
Does Daniel know that I pray for him every single day?
Does he realize that no matter what I am so thankful that he is my son?
Does he know that through all of our problems he has made me closer to God?
Does Cassie know that I love her quirky personality?
Does she know how proud I am of her intelligence?
Does she know that I try to better myself because of her? And that I think she is a beautiful young lady?
Do people at church know how much I want to be their friend, but that I am shy and insecure?
Do they know that at times I am lonely, but scared that I don't fit in, scared of rejection?
Does Emily have any idea how much I love her? Does she know that if I go very long without seeing her my heart hurts?
Does she know that her smile brings me so much joy that it brings tears to my eyes?
Does my mom know that even though I don't always show it, that I do love her?
Does she know that I pray daily that she will take care of herself?
How will I be remembered?
Will my family have wonderful memories of our life together?
Do they know how much they mean to me?
Do they really know without a doubt that I love them the world full?
I must remember that we are not promised another day here. That I need to always let people know how I feel about them because tomorrow may never come.
I am so very blessed.
Thank you sweet Lord for all my blessings.

It is cancer, but stand strong.
I know it sounds insane, but while I was driving into work this morning the above phrase popped into my head.
Im not sure if I am crazy, stressed, or if God is whispering in my ear to inform and reassure me. I called the doctor yesterday to ask them if an earlier appt comes up to please call me. She said they already have it listed to call me if there are any cancellations.
Again, I really hope I am worrying over nothing.
If any one reads this please pray for me to feel at peace while I am waiting for this Dr appt.
I am scared, but I do know that God has a plan. I just want to know what it is :-)

Scared

I went to the doctor last week because of some swollen glands, after looking at the glands and some past bloodwork they are sending me to the Cancer Center.
I am scared. I know that I shouldnt worry until I know if there is really something to worry about but I am so scared right now, more scared than I have ever been.
Im not scared of dying, I know without a doubt that when I leave this life I will go to Heaven.
What I am scared of is leaving those that I love behind.
Erika: how will she react, I know that she has Caleb to take care of her, but she has always been a mommys girl. She can call me anytime and I calm her fears. Who will she call if I am gone?
Daniel: What will he do? Will this make him drown in his addictions or will it make him see how fragile life is and make changes?
Cassie: She still has so much to do. Who will help her with college stuff? Help her pick out a wedding gown, hold her hand when she has her first baby?
Emily: Will she remember how much I love her, will she remember what joy she made me feel? Will she remember me at all?
John: Who will take care of him? Who will make sure that he remembers to pay the bills, who will remind him to call his girls and his mom? Will he love again? Will he be okay?
Caleb: Does he know how much he means to me? How proud I am of him?
Tronda: Who will she call when she needs to vent, to cry? Who will assure her of how wonderful she really is?
Mom: who will be there to care for her?

How do I make sure that all of the people that I love know that I love them? How do I make sure that they will be okay when I am gone? How do I make sure that they remember the good things? Are there really very many good things about me? Did I do what I was here to do? What is Gods plan for me? Did I make a difference?
I know that it is silly to worry over what might not be, but I am so scared that I feel sick inside. I am praying for comfort, for peace. I am so thankful that I know the Lord and that I know that when I die I will be with Him in Heaven.