Sweet Emily

Emily went to the Doctor today. She weighs 11lbs 10 oz and is 22 inches long. She is growing so fast. Sometimes when I look at her it is like looking at Erika when she was a baby. It is so awesome that God gives us the capability to love so much. I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved my own children, but I do. When I hold her I feel such love that it makes tears come to my eyes, just as it did with my own babies.
I have some good news, Daniel called me the other day and was talking about his future. This is good news because in the last year every time I ask him about his future he has said that he doesn't worry or think about it. So at least now it is something he is thinking about. I have been praying that he will seek God again.
Erika and Caleb are doing great. They are wonderful parents. I always knew Erika would be a good mommy. And Caleb is a great daddy. He lights up every time he looks at his baby girl. We all still fight over who gets to hold her next. ;-)
Cassie is still doing great. She is an awesome God loving young lady. I am super proud of her.
And as always, my husband is wonderful. He still tells me how beautiful I am every day. I'm always scared I will wake up and he will change, but still after almost 8 years he is still the best husband ever. I am not saying there are never hard days, but never do we question our love for each other.
Today I received wonderful news. My younger sister will get to hold her baby for the first time. I am so very excited for her. Thanks to all that have been praying for them.

11-19-09

Today has been a sad day. It is the anniversary of my dads death. Every year on this day I am so close to tears that if someone says boo to me I break down.
A few days ago my younger sister had a beautiful baby boy. I was just looking at a picture of him and it made me cry. I have been praying nonstop that this sweet baby will be okay. I have also been praying for his mommy and daddy. I wish that they didn't have to go through all of this again. I wish there was something that I could do for them, anything to ease their stress and fear.
I wish that I could go back in time and change my and my younger sisters relationship. I wish that I wouldn't have let my jealousy put such a large wedge in between us. I was so jealous of how much my dad loved her. I allowed myself to believe it was her fault that my dad didn't love me (or so I thought).
Miranda, if you ever read this please except my apology for never being there for you. Please forgive me for anytime that I acted ugly or withdrawn. Please believe that I have grown up alot since then and would really love to be a part of your life, and know that you can count on me to be there if you ever want me to be. Know that I love you. I know that you didnt know me very well, but I really love you.
And Dad, if you are able to look down upon us, I miss you. I love you. Please watch over us all. Watch over baby Brayden. I think of you so often. I hope you are proud of the woman I have become.