Way back to the past...............
As I said before when I was taken away from my mom all I could think about was being back with her. I wasn't allowed to see her without being supervised. I wasn't allowed to speak to her on the phone without someone listening in on another phone. I hated it so much. I wanted my mom! I know now that at that time I didn't need to be with my mom. She had allowed some horrible things to happen to me and the system was just trying to keep me safe. But I couldn't understand that then. I felt like I was being punished because I had allowed someone to hurt me. Those years were just another nightmare.
Anyways, at the school I attended there was a payphone, so I would sneak and use that to call my mom. We made an escape plan for me. We figured out a date and a time that I could sneak away from the foster home then mom and I would run away and live happily ever after. We planned my escape for a night that the foster parents would be out and an older lady would be staying at the house with us foster children. I was to pretend that I was going to take out the trash (the trash went into the alley behind the house) my mom would have a friend waiting there to whisk me away then we would meet her and go somewhere far away never to be found. It sounded like the perfect plan at the time. But again my big mouth told one of the other foster girls that I had grown close to. (man, were my friends tattle tails!)
I didn't know I had been found out so I proceeded with the plan. I picked up the trash and walked out to the alley. There was a helicopter flying around shining its light and instead of my moms friend there was my social worker. So as you can imagine I didn't make the great escape. What we did was make it even longer before I was able to be with my mom again.
The whole time I was in foster care I felt like I was being punished. I was so very unhappy. It really wasn't the foster parents fault, it was just that already horrible things had happened to me, then I am whisked off to a strange place with people I had never met, not allowed to see my mom. All I could do is ask God, why me? What have I done to deserve this?
Since I have become an adult I feel like my calling in life is to protect children, to love them no matter what is going on in their lives. When I was in foster care I had an attorney that was like a ray of sunshine in my life. So my goal was to be an attorney for children and to protect them from the evil in the world. Unfortunately that didn't happen, so now I still feel like I am supposed to do something to help children. I am just not sure yet what it is that I am supposed to do. Maybe I am supposed to foster, maybe I am supposed to become a children's advocate, I just do not know. But I know that when it is time God will show me what he wants me to do, so right now I am just waiting.