Friends

Yesterday during Bible Study they were discussing friends. Really my only close friends are John, Tronda, and Erika. That seems pretty sad. My only true friends are my husband, sister, and daughter. Ive never been one that has had friends. There are many people that I care about, my church family, people at work. But people that really care about me, that really know me are just John, Erika, and Tronda. I am not real sure why I have never been a person that formed attachments. Maybe it was my abusive childhood, maybe fear of rejection, maybe because we moved around so much I just was scared to get close and then lose someone I cared about.
I know that I would love to have friends, people to get together with, to confide in. But I am not real sure how to go about making friends or being a friend.
I am so glad that my children have friends, I don't want them to feel like I do. Sometimes I feel so lonely, and I don't want to burden Erika with all my thoughts and worries. I am supposed to be the mom, I am supposed to be there for her problems, not she for mine.
It has just been the last few years I have realized how much I am missing out on by not having friends. I see other woman that are close friends, that get together and have fun together, and at times I feel so left out. I know that it isnt anyones fault but my own. I dont make time for friends. But sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I wish there was someone I could call and chat with. Not that Erika, John, and Tronda arent wonderful friends, but I dont want to burden them with all of my thoughts. There are just some things you cant talk to your child and husband about without feeling awkward. I am so very thankful for my best friends, I just wish I had a few more.